Today is the first time I felt annoyed as a social worker peppered us with questions. It was NOT her. She was actually really great. I’m just a little fried because of the revolving door.
On a regular basis, we speak with several doctors, several nurses, child life specialists, a social worker, physical therapist, occupational therapist. Then there are doctors and students coming in to speak with us about research programs. Even though I did ask a few visitors to come back at a different time, I still felt exasperated with the constant questions and general lack of privacy as we are “living” in this hospital room.
I feel somewhat guilty even as I write this. All of the doctors, nurses and various support people have been excellent and I am so grateful for that.
It’s not them, it’s me. I’m exhausted and a feeling little burnt out. I want to be honest about feeling this way. I’m writing this blog as an easy way to keep a lot of people updated, but I’m also writing in hopes that our experience can someday help others.
Knowing someone can relate to you and that your thoughts are “normal” is huge. I hope to share that reassurance with others. We ALL have problems and struggles. I know my feelings are normal and I know they are okay.
I also know I’m allowed to take a break. I excused myself when I kind of felt like snapping. I turned the water as hot as would allow and stood in the shower a good, long time. The heat helps to rejuvenate my muscles and ease pain.
I’m sitting in the cafeteria looking outside, praying and having a soda. (Ok and a plate of nachos…so good) No nutrition lectures, my health conscious friends. I’m working on it! Just not today.
I’m turning these feelings over to God and I know He will give me the mental and emotional endurance I need throughout this (possibly very long) journey.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-4)
Well the hot shower and nacho break has been nice. But what has really refreshed my heart and soul is the reassurance of God found in this scripture.
I am counting on Him to continue to provide a fresh dose of endurance, character and hope. Grace be with you, my friends.