“For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
Struggling with my own physical weakness has driven me to a deeper dependence on God. Although, in my humanity, I don’t like feeling weak and fatigued, I get to experience Christ’s power on me each day as I call out for help. I get to see how God hears me and provides for me. I get to walk in step with the Savior as he leads me and holds me together and whispers His truths into my heart.
Experiencing the shock of Justin’s diagnosis, the sorrow of watching him suffer in the hospital and now the stress of taking care of him at home is really hard on a physical and emotional level. Really hard. But when I view it all with spiritual eyes, I am able to see that I am grace stepping beside my Savior and we are walking closer still.
Today I am trying to take care of myself, accomplish some chores, take care of Justin, and fill his insatiable steroid driven need for food. And understand that he is also miserable and angry because of the steroids and he really didn’t mean it when he said, “This is the worst chicken you ever made.” I’m also trying to squeeze in some “homeschooling” so Justin doesn’t fall to far behind.
It is all very exhausting and could be overwhelming if I let it. But I am continuously mindful of my deeper dependence on Jesus. I am constantly leaning on Him. He has never once failed to help me.
So my life at this time is difficult and certainly not the way I planned. (A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9) But knowing that God is in control and that He is walking through this with me is enough. Knowing that, feeling it, believing it, is the source of my joy. I’m not doing cartwheels with happiness over here, but I have a true and steady joy.
Oh and the chicken wasn’t THAT bad. Grace be with you, my friends.