For me, a sense of humor is the last to go. If I can still laugh, particularly at myself, then I’m good.

I can’t think of anything funny today.

It never gets easier to watch your child suffer. That is a lie doctors tell so you’ll keep moving forward.

There is some form of pain or sickness every single day. Chemotherapy drugs are deforming Justin’s feet and wreaking havoc on his immune system.

Today, there was a conversation I didn’t want to have. But it was the truth and it was necessary. Being in school is causing Justin to suffer beyond what he can handle. To Justin’s teacher, thank you for being honest and real with me.

Justin’s doctors tell me to strive for “normalcy.”  This is impossible by their standards. It doesn’t exist for Justin anymore. But doctors work with numbers and spreadsheets. They don’t walk this cancer thing with their child’s face on it day after day after day.

Cancer is being held at bay, yet my child still suffers every single day. But it is what it is. I cannot control the situation or make Justin better.

In the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon basically said everything is pointless except to “fear God and obey his commands.” Everything else is just “a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:14). He was undeniably correct.

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. (Ecc. 11:5)

The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one shepherd. Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. (Ecc. 12:11-14)

That being said, I’m going to chase some wind down to Florida this weekend. It won’t change anything, but it’s an opportunity for different scenery and I’m taking it.

Go ahead and cancel your subscription. I get it. I care about being real, not popular. If you’re still with me after this one, you are brave and true.

I have taken a 630 day beating. Yep, I’m down. But I am not without FAITH and HOPE in being pulled out by my fingernails, yet again.

I am never without HOPE in my God. Grace be with you, my friends.