We endured two needle sticks today but it was not as traumatic as it has been.

Bigger picture. Justin’s white blood count is up from 80 to 340 and his other counts are stable enough to forgo transfusions today. This means his bone marrow is functioning properly, and doing what it’s supposed to do!

Justin’s body is recovering! We are resting his veins until next Tuesday when he will be checked again. We cancelled the pic line placement since daily blood draws and IV placements are not necessary at this point.

A week ago, today, Justin was critically ill and three of the country’s top pediatric oncologists thought he was in full-blown cancer relapse.

Justin is not in relapse. Despite chemotherapy and virus, his body is fighting this thing off. He is getting better everyday.

If that isn’t a miracle, then I don’t know what is. And I’m not saying that just to hype this up. I can’t stand hype. It annoys me. 

I’m saying my kid was seriously ill a few days ago. Thousands  petitioned the Lord on his behalf. And now he isn’t seriously ill ANYMORE.

Okay I know you’re thinking it. I’m thinking it. Everyone here probably knows someone who was prayed for and NOT healed.

Does this mean we lack faith, didn’t pray hard enough or just aren’t good enough? No, I don’t think so at all.

My faith takes a regular beating as I watch my child suffer. Sometimes I forget or just plain don’t want to pray. And I’m certainly not good enough. Ask anyone who knows me.

I don’t know why God heals some and not others. No one knows why because no one knows the mind of God.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

But I do know this. Whatever it is, God can and will purpose trials and loss for our ultimate good.

And, yes, I get it that it doesn’t feel that way at all. It’s NOT a feeling. It’s a belief. Of course, I didn’t want Justin to get cancer at all, for crying out loud! I don’t want him to be a life-long patient, regularly having his blood checked and dealing with harsh chemotherapy side effects.

But. Because I believe that even hardship is for our ultimate good, this helps when the negative feelings come. It really does.