Love’s Greatest Victory

cross-danger1Last night, I yelled at Nicky because he kept making careless mistakes with his math homework. Like really yelled at him. Like a lunatic. Over multiplication.

But I wasn’t really mad at Nicky or the fundamentals of fourth-grade math. I was just mad. Angry. Annoyed. Agitated. Because this recent cold, damp weather is not a friend to muscular dystrophy. Because my son has cancer. And because my days are filled with constant mind-draining, mentally exhausting negotiation with a five-year-old to STEP FORWARD “because everything is okay.”

Cancer has been like a tornado in Justin’s life, coming on suddenly and fiercely, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. He’s continuously disappointed over missed activities, physically hurting from chemotherapy and afraid of EVERYTHING. And, yes, there have been big victories and huge blessings. But there are days we just can’t seem to remember them clearly no matter how hard we try.

Yes, I get frustrated and angry and tempted to think that God is not good or loving. But I FIGHT those feelings with Truth. I often go to the Psalms and the promise found in Romans 8:28. “And we know that all things work together for good…”

But today, I am also reflecting on a sermon by Jonathan Edwards I’ve recently read. On Christ’s agonizing prayer to the Father on the night He was betrayed (Matthew 26:36-46), Edwards writes this:

Thus powerful, constant, and violent was the love of Christ; and the special trial of his love above all others in his whole life seems to have been in the time of his agony. For though his sufferings were greater afterwards, when he was on the cross, yet he saw clearly what those sufferings were to be, in the time of his agony; and that seems to have been the first time that ever Christ Jesus had a clear view what these sufferings were; and after this the trial was not so great, because the conflict was over. His human nature had been in a struggle with his love to sinners, but his love had got the victory. The thing, upon a full view of his sufferings, had been resolved on and concluded; and accordingly, when the moment arrived, he actually went through with those sufferings.

My favorite line is, “but his love had got the victory.” Oh praise him! Christ could have chosen to forego the cross, but He went willingly because of His great love for us. Love’s greatest victory was won for me! How can I not know and grasp and believe and rejoice that God is GOOD?!

Well I just put Quiche and organic broccoli in the oven and am able to take a minute to conclude this post. Don’t be impressed. We had hot dogs last night.

Today, I apologized to Nicky and asked for his forgiveness. Then I jumped on him where he was sitting on the couch and gave him hugs and kisses until he laughed and said, “Yes, I forgive you, mom, but you’re crushing my leg!”

If there is one thing I’ve taught my boys, it’s that we are all in need of grace. To be given as much as we have received.

My thirty-eighth birthday is next week. I’m too young for all this grey hair. Grace be with you, my friends.


Indignation and Compassion

 A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus was indignant. He reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed. Mark 1:40-41

Sunday, I taught a lesson to my New Life Kids’ class about this passage of scripture. We are studying the miracles of Jesus, and in this particular instance, He heals a man of a debilitating skin disease. The focus of the lesson, according to the curriculum, was that just as He had cleansed this man from a physical disease,  Jesus can, and does, also cleanse us spiritually from our personal offenses, or sins, of pride, greed, and so on. This spiritual cleansing requires a response on our part to God’s grace. Not good works, as they alone cannot save us. This response is faith in the truth that Jesus died for us and there is no other way to God, but through belief in Him. (John 14:6)

I taught all of this with fervor, as I firmly believe this is the truth of the Gospel. The beautiful truth. But some interesting details jumped out at me as I studied and planned my lesson about the healing of the leper.

This story was recorded in three of the four Gospels – Matthew, Mark and Luke. However, I thought the account in Mark really captured the heart of Jesus when confronted by the leper. When we take time to meditate on and study the life of Jesus, we can more deeply understand the character of our Savior.

“Jesus was indignant.”

It is important not to misunderstand the text. I don’t feel that this is conveying that Jesus was simply “annoyed” with yet another person approaching him for healing. Or even aggravated that a contagious leper came near Him.

On the contrary, I think these three words speak volumes about how Jesus feels about physical disease. The text says that Jesus was indignant and I believe that, indeed, He was. Jesus, being God Himself, looked upon a person made in His own image whom He loves, and saw the ugly, disfigured, painful, rotten effects of a terrible disease. Jesus knew that physical disease is a result of a world broken by evil, a world that He entered in order to offer hope. I daresay Jesus was struck with anger and His heart was grieved for what had become of this man, His creation. Jesus wasn’t angry at the leper. I think Jesus was angry at the disease.

It is important to clarify that I am NOT saying the leper had done something bad and that is why he had a disease. Rather, that the effect of sin entering the world is, in part, physical disease. When God created the world, it was GOOD. He did not create illness or even mean for us to die. Death and disease came into the world as a result of evil entering it. (Genesis 1-3, Roman 5:12-21)

So why do I take time to pontificate the true meaning of Jesus’s anger in this story of the leper? Because we have a God who identifies with our anger, frustrations and sorrow. He took on skin and walked the earth, feeling every human emotion. I may feel anger, at times, toward my own painful disease, muscular dystrophy. But I actually take comfort in the fact that God may be angry about it, too! Why? Mainly because I know He also has the power to heal me. But, if He chooses not to, then I MUST conclude that He has a VERY GOOD reason.

Jesus was Compassionate

I love what happens next with Jesus and the leper. Jesus is angry and full of mercy  in the span of a mere moment. I also must point out that Jesus could have healed this man by speaking words or just thinking or any way He wished. But think about what Jesus chose to do! He touched him. A leper, whom NO ONE would dare touch for fear of infection. At this time and in this culture, lepers were forced to live alone outside the community away from their families. Because they were so highly contagious, they had to cover their mouths and call out, “unclean!” if they came near another person. (Leviticus 13:43-46) How lonely and humiliating!

I also have to laugh when I think about what Jesus did. At times, Jesus could be such a “rule-breaker!” No one was supposed to touch a leper. But Jesus did it anyway.

The compassion of Jesus is very evident in His decision to heal this man with a tender touch. A man who had probably not felt the touch of another person in a very long time. Our God is personal and lovingly attentive to detail.


God feels anger toward injustice just as we do. (God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day. Psalm 7:11) There will be a day when He will judge the world, and put an end to evil and its painful effects. Although God feels anger towards evil, the Bible says that it’s a different story when it comes to those who are in Christ. (The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103:8)

I believe that the way Jesus reacted and responded to the leper demonstrates that Jesus is angry at what hurts us and tenderly attentive to our personal needs. I hope my attempt to dig deeper into the character of Jesus has filled you with a desire for Him.

Grace be with you, my friends.