Well I thought we might be home by now, but Justin is still unable to keep food and liquids down without the help of IV medication. The doctor has taken him off for short periods of time, but he just resumes radical vomiting.

We are stuck in a really difficult cycle. The steroid medication, which is part of chemo, is giving Justin a crazy appetite. He wants to eat constantly even though his stomach is so upset. He’s continuously asking for food.

And although we are trying to give Justin small portions at a time and limiting him to bland foods like chicken broth and crackers, he is still bringing everything right back up.

We are juggling several basins and changing clothes and blankets repeatedly. Justin is frustrated, and frankly, we are too.

Justin is very thin and weak. I really want to go home to my other boys, but I know it’s better for Justin to stay here at the hospital until he’s no longer at risk for dehydration.

We are working with his doctors to come up with a plan that will keep the vomiting under control well enough that we can go home.

I’m feeling fried. Eleven days in a hospital room. Justin’s constant discomfort and tears. Missing my other boys immensely.

I’ve been here long enough to know that the pediatric oncology floor is a grueling place. Everyone here is in the trenches. Sick, hurting babies, burnt out parents and nurses working hard to bring some relief to both.

I’ve often passed other parents in the hallway or in the patient food pantry. We give each other half-smiles that mean, “hey I know what you’re going through, yes I’m exhausted too, and I totally approve of the nine ice cream cups you’re eating in the hallway cause I’m about to do the same thing.”

I am keeping the faith, even in the trenches. I am choosing, by the power of the Spirit, not to dwell on my feelings and my circumstances. Instead, remembering that, by His grace, I have been made into a vessel of living water.

“Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” John 7:38

Grace be with you, my friends.