Real Mom Confession

Gizmo is on some kind of painkiller medication. Long story.

So I’m looking at him all zonked out and happy while I am having one of my chronic pain flare up days, with kids and life pulling me in nineteen directions.

For a brief moment, I considered drinking cat morphine.

I know you get me, parents. God’s Grace be with you and also with me (I didn’t do it, promise).

Day 1641

Justin is holding steady in remission, with great blood counts and a good physical exam today. He has been visiting the oncology clinic every two months, but, going forward, he will now receive quarterly check-ups.

We are told Justin will begin the survivorship program in 2022!

This morning, he said, “Mom, when I grow up I want to be either a preacher or a mall cop or probably both actually.”

(Um okay?)

Me: “I think that would be perfect.”

Day 1,621

I actually forgot!

As we pass the FIVE YEAR mark since Justin’s diagnosis on January 16, 2016, I can report with gladness that the anniversary date of his diagnosis did not send me into a bout of struggling through post-traumatic flashbacks and unrelenting dark thoughts. In fact, to my absolute joy, I forgot the date until today. I actually forgot!

A Huge STEP…

This may seem like a gross omission, since we have looked toward this time with such faith, endurance and hope. But as one who has struggled and suffered and persevered with Jeff, Nicky and Michael, alongside Justin, all of these many days, I view it as a huge STEP. By His grace, I have been able to move forward. We have been able to move FORWARD.

There came a time when posting updates became too painful for me. I had to take time for self-care, rest and even moving into a new house. There are several reasons why we moved, but it is not lost on me that staying in the physical place where we experienced the longest of nights and greatest of pain was not healthy for the mind. We are so very grateful that God provided an alternative.

…only Jesus Christ can heal the heart and soul…

While it is true that I have walked through dark places with Justin, Jeff, Nicky and Michael and what often felt like being very, very alone, I also know what is not true. I was never alone. By His Spirit, Jesus was with me. I know this is true because we are HEALING and we are daily BEING HEALED. To me, forgetting the diagnosis date, even briefly, is evidence! Yes, chemotherapy, with its host of problems and side effects, CAN kill cancer. But only Jesus Christ can heal the heart and soul after being broken over and over again.

Justin will not officially finish treatment and move into the survivorship program until the end of March 2021.

If you are still receiving these updates, thank you for following and praying. Grace be with you.

“…And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b

Justin, age 10. Five year cancer survivor. It’s an honor and joy to be his mom!

Pictures of Pediatric Cancer

Swipe left to view our story in photos — almost 5 years of laughter and tears, joy and pain, triumph and loss, highs and lows, faith and fear, heartbreak and hope. And ultimately a new normal for a patient, a mom, a dad and two siblings — all survivors of pediatric cancer.

Be encouraged cancer parents, and hold onto hope!

Real Mom Confession

If you someday find yourself overwhelmed with work, kids, laundry etc. etc. and a sore yucky throat and you have tried cough drops, tea, honey, chicken broth, fresh lemon, Tylenol and Gatorade yet the pain prevails, don’t drink expired baby Orajel. Be better than me.

Day 1588

Justin was in at CHOP clinic Friday for a physical exam and blood draw. He is still cancer-free.

Just like residual anxiety, relief hits me at the oddest times. Today it was while baking. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I bawled all over my pumpkin batter. Those muffins will be interesting.

Thank you for continued support and prayer!

Masking or Plunking

We did it. The boys went to school for the first time in 6 months. Despite masks and other new, unfamiliar procedures, they all had a good day! Grateful their school took the leap of faith to open. Day one down. Let’s keep it going…!

Whether you are masking them up for a classroom or plunking your kids in front of a laptop this year, grace be with you parents.

Here’s our weird first day pic…

Day 1536

075B83EC-07DB-433B-8310-CB6C88317FCFJustin is exceeding our expectations — playing flag football and going to basketball camp this summer.

If I didn’t still have the nightmares, I wouldn’t guess three years of chemotherapy to look at him. 59024689-1A99-4FA1-AF5F-D96BA3ED7CF5

Thank you ever so much for your prayers.

It’s getting super weird out there. Stay strong. Grace be with you.

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