Our Only Defense

img_2892Justin’s white blood cell count has been very high since he started maintenance chemotherapy. The concern is a possibility that not enough “bad” cells are being killed off. Depending on his CBCs in the coming weeks, his chemo dosages may be increased.

Of course I’m not thrilled about this because Justin will likely experience more fatigue and nausea. I always tell people he is so up and down. A good example is a birthday party he attended yesterday. He was running around with the other kids, looking completely normal. But then he crashed. We were the first to leave, and Justin didn’t do anything but lay on the couch when we got home.

So I don’t love this news, but I’m not freaking out or anything. And, yes, my mind considers a complete relapse often. But I basically have two choices: I can lose it (and I do a little bit sometimes) or I can trust a Soveriegn, loving God and stay on the look out for all the ways He comforts and provides and somehow authors good in every evil. He is a shield around my soul; our only defense and stronghold, though darkness continuously threatens. And He¬†gently tips my gaze upward, reminding me where hope is.

But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high. Psalm 3:3

Today is all melted wax muscles and acheiving very little. I put on Christmas socks and I don’t care who knows it. Grace be with you, my friends.

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