Justin’s 1st day of school – again

I have been Justin’s mom, nurse, teacher, therapist for almost four years.

Driving him to school today felt much like the many times I walked him into surgery. There was no room for fear or nerves in my conscious because my heart was busy absorbing all of his. It is empathy at it’s highest level.

I am nine years old walking into school for the first time and all I know is the person who fixes everything isn’t with me. I know God is with me because my mom said so but I can’t see Him.

I feel his fear.

Just as in surgery, I know he is in very good hands. But those hands are not mine.

These are the days my faith is put to the test.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:1-5

 

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