faith

Thoughts on Overcoming Defeat as a Cancer Parent

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Defeat. You will go there as a cancer parent. I felt defeated, and many days, I was defeated, whether by circumstances or my own mistakes.

But what I kept going back to is that, no matter what happens, my soul cannot be defeated in Christ. Now, believing this will not fix your circumstances or relieve physical pain or mental stress in the moment. Not at all. Nope, it really does not do that. It will not cure your kid’s cancer or make you any less exhausted or pay your bills or do your laundry. It may or may not stop you from taking that drink or eating that whole cake or whatever vice or bad habit you’ve picked up along the way.

But this FAITH gave me HOPE.

I think they, whoever “they” are, say we can live through anything except having no hope. People with all good intentions said a lot of things to me about self care and yoga and kale chips and walks in the woods that never helped a thing. I won’t do that.

But one thing I did and do is hold onto hope by the tips of my scrawny bitten fingernails.

Two Years Post-Chemotherapy

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Many times I am still asked how Justin is doing and many times I am reminded we did not walk alone.

Thank you for that.

Justin has now completed 6th grade with good grades and a leadership award of all things. This is the same kid who hid in our closet on many school mornings, hysterical with anxiety.

Justin played intramural basketball, bravely said his lines in school concerts, went camping for the first time and scored above average on a cognitive abilities test.

We signed a mountain of paperwork listing possible side effects of chemotherapy, including physical, mental, social and emotional.

Justin experienced some in each category. But with patience, prayer and an endurance that can only be explained by the grace of God, he has struggled and fallen, struggled and persevered, struggled and conquered.

I hope our story encourages you. Keep praying. Keep pushing forward. Just keep getting up. Stay down for a while to rest but don’t quit. If someone offers to help, take the help. And when it all feels too heavy and too dark and too impossibly difficult, hold onto hope.

“See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in a wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

If you are a parent of a childhood cancer patient in need of support, please feel free to reach out. I get it. Grace be with you.

Pictures of Pediatric Cancer

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Swipe left to view our story in photos — almost 5 years of laughter and tears, joy and pain, triumph and loss, highs and lows, faith and fear, heartbreak and hope. And ultimately a new normal for a patient, a mom, a dad and two siblings — all survivors of pediatric cancer.

Be encouraged cancer parents, and hold onto hope!

Last Chemo Date Scheduled

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March 25, 2019.

Justin will receive his last infusion of chemotherapy on this day.

We are coming up on a MAJOR hurdle but this is not, in fact, the finish line. As of the end of March, Justin will no longer receive treatment, but he will still be seen in clinic every month for a physical exam and CBC. The following year, fifth and final, we will make the trip to clinic once every other month. Medical exams, heart monitoring and needle sticks will still very much be a part of his life until Justin is declared completely cancer-free.

Justin must remain in remission for a total of five years to be considered cured.

We are staying positive and hopeful.

I am elated and I am afraid.

Our hope is in the Lord.

Upcoming Surgery and Perseverance

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shady-forestAfter a year, it’s time to remove Justin’s central chest line. Switching to IV’s in the hand when in clinic. Ouch, I know. Somehow we think it still beats repeated stabbings and large bandage adhesive removal on a sensitive skin chest area.

Conversations with mom and role play with an IV needle and a pin cushion “hand” with the child life specialist. He’s apprehensive but prepared.

Justin will have the surgery as well as a spinal tap this Wednesday morning. We are scheduled to meet with the surgeon this afternoon. Pre-op checklist: nurse informs me this can be a very uncomfortable procedure because body tissue has adhered itself to the central line. In the same breath, she says this particular surgeon doesn’t like to give pain medication. He thinks Tylenol is just fine. WE WILL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT.

We love to receive homemade cards if you have a moment and feel so inclined. Justin will be recovering later this week and I know funny pictures and encouraging words will lift his spirits. I believe a positive attitude and outlook can aid in healing and recovery, which is why we schedule FUN and LAUGHS and PRAYER and SCRIPTURE.

But the body can also be a downright funny thing. Feeling entirely calm in spirit, but I have a broken out teenager face and way too many thoughts about Amish fried chicken.

Teaching Sunday School yesterday. The test of Abraham. One of my more interested, pensive students asks if we are “still tested today, like, could WE get a test?” Yes, my dear one, and DON’T I KNOW IT.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:2-4, 12