Justin is still struggling with acute separation anxiety. I am working with his teacher at school and the social worker at the clinic to come up with strategies to combat his fears.
Earlier this week, Justin was stating his usual tearful protests about being at school without me. We prayed together and I reminded him that Jesus would be with him. (Joshua 1:9)
Then Justin said something that I think will always stay with me. He said, “I know, mommy, but I want someone with me who I can SEE.”
I get that. I really do. And I can admit having similar feelings earlier in my walk with Jesus. How often is our thinking and faith level that of a five-year-old? Like…”yeah, yeah…I know God gave us the Holy Spirit and His Word in print…but I WANT a God who speaks audibly to me, wears flesh and tells me exactly what to do to achieve personal success. And even…looks me in the eyes, holds my hand and hugs me at the end of a really bad day.”
But God has called us to a deeper faith than this. One that believes without seeing. One that trusts without engaging the physical senses. A calling to live in the pages of the Bible, allowing His Words to wash over us until they pervade our souls and become bigger in us than ourselves.
These are words to one of my favorite songs: “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.” (Oceans, Hillsong)
Lead me WHERE. My friends, I am there. My youngest child has cancer. In remission, yes, but still undergoing very aggressive chemotherapy. Receiving highly toxic drugs into his spinal fluid which flow into his brain and central nervous system. The Spirit has led me to a place where my trust must be “without borders” or I will simply just fall apart. Trust me, I’m not that strong. My stress-eating-junk-food-binging-ten-pound weight gain is proof.
Sometimes we just need to climb the highest, craggiest mountains or trudge through the muddiest swamps to end up in a place where we are willing to lean completely and entirely on Truth. And what IS truth? Truth is the Words of God in the Bible, but it is also a Whom. The Holy Spirit, poured out in love, by the grace of God. (“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.” John 16:13)
And that leaning produces a faith that does not see with physical eyes but truly SEES with the heart; surrendered, steadily joyful and without borders.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
Grace be with you, my friends.