Good Steps

ff147be0106a481101ff31b786f62bd2 Justin is having a delayed reaction to his last chemo treatment. Today has turned out to be a “hanging on the couch with the barf bucket” kind of day. Also, I’m feeling the effects of pushing myself a little too much this week. My legs are weak and shaky and not wanting to function very well.

Yes, I was discouraged this morning. I felt tired and frustrated and like I just wanted to float up into the sky and ride a cloud to an island with a REALLY white beach and REALLY clear water, allowing the heat to warm my stiff muscles and the sound of the ocean to lull me to sleep.

Well, THAT didn’t happen. Instead, a REALLY amazing friend came to visit. She made TWO Wawa runs for ICEES to hydrate Justin and spent time with me, talking and praying. The haze of melancholy lifted, and I am very encouraged to continue persevering. One day at a time. God knows what we need far better than we. Not that I still wouldn’t mind being teleported to a Caribbean island.

Justin has not been able to eat today, so I am focused on getting liquids into him and staying in touch with his nurse. His doctor informed me that this current dose of chemo is putting  Justin at higher risk for dehydration.

The past couple days feel like one step forward, two steps back. But I am trusting God. I know He knows what He’s doing and I believe in His words of Truth.

Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

Of course, I planned to have a “normal” day today WITHOUT weak legs, being the “just-drink-something-police”, twenty-five episodes of The Odd Squad and a barf basin. But that is just not the case. And somehow this is GOOD because God says it is so. As a child of God, we can be confident that our steps are rooted in goodness even if it doesn’t feel that way. Because it is God’s definition of goodness from His perfect point of view, and not our own.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

We have a wedding to attend tomorrow night. For about five minutes, I thought my muscles were not diseased and I bought a beautiful pair of pumps (on sale!) And then I remembered that I can’t really tolerate anything besides sneakers and flats. So they are going back. But I wore them around the house for a few minutes the other day. That was fun.

Grace be with you, my friends.

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