I’ve been at Justin’s side care taking as well as negotiating meds, behavior and school work for 105 days with precious few breaks in between. I’m beginning to feel as if I’m stranded at sea, my view excruciatingly similar and unchanging in all directions.
As the chemotherapy dosages increase for the purpose of “mopping up” undetectable leukemia hiding in Justin’s body, he has again taken to the couch. Unable to eat very much and fighting a ferocious cold, he doesn’t feel well enough to play or go to school. I try to pass the hours productively and encourage Justin to do the same. But the living room couch has become our boat, and day after day, the endless waves rock us ad nauseam.
So what does one DO when stranded at sea? They fight to survive. They watch for rescue. They pray for deliverance.
Psalm 69:1-3, 13-15
Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out;
my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
with waiting for my God.
But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord.
At an acceptable time, O God,
in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.
from sinking in the mire;
let me be delivered from my enemies
and from the deep waters.
Let not the flood sweep over me,
or the deep swallow me up,
or the pit close its mouth over me.
I know that my Redeemer lives and I put my hope and faith is His deliverance. So I wait. When our feelings threaten to consume us like a tiny row-boat swallowed by the sea, we must fight them with Truth. In the past 48 hours, two very wise friends have come alongside me with treasured reminders – our feelings can tell us destructive lies (fight with the Words of God!) and Jesus is ever faithful in the mundane. These truths are my life rafts. I am holding on.
Don’t begrudge the difficult days. God is at work in the mess. ~Matt Chandler
Grace be with you, my friends.