Justin is not responding well to a new drug given yesterday and restarting a very high dosage of steroids. He will go back to clinic tomorrow for more chemo. Another new medication.
I don’t know if what I’m writing is making any sense at the moment. Because Justin is sick and miserable on the couch. And I’m hiding in the kitchen so he won’t see me cry. And I just want to scream:
WHY CAN’T IT BE ME???
But the lump in my throat hurts too much.
Just why can’t it be me?
It all hurts too much.
I hate cancer. It’s from the pit of hell.
“Call unto me and I will show you great and mighty things which thou knowest not.” (Jeremiah 33:3) Think I got that mostly right. Show me, Lord. Show me mighty things. God is faithful. I wait.
Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear. And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me; therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy. I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord. (excerpts from Psalm 27)
I already feel the “peace that passes understanding.” Grace be with you, my friends.