It All Hurts Too Much

Justin is not responding well to a new drug given yesterday and restarting a very high dosage of steroids. He will go back to clinic tomorrow for more chemo. Another new medication.

I don’t know if what I’m writing is making any sense at the moment. Because Justin is sick and miserable on the couch. And I’m hiding in the kitchen so he won’t see me cry. And I just want to scream:

WHY CAN’T IT BE ME???

But the lump in my throat hurts too much.

Just why can’t it be me?

It all hurts too much.

I hate cancer. It’s from the pit of hell.

“Call unto me and I will show you great and mighty things which thou knowest not.” (Jeremiah 33:3) Think I got that mostly right. Show me, Lord. Show me mighty things. God is faithful. I wait.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear. And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me; therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy. I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord. (excerpts from Psalm 27)

I already feel the “peace that passes understanding.” Grace be with you, my friends.

 

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3 thoughts on “It All Hurts Too Much

  1. Praying with you for the Lord to seize this opportunity to show up and show His glorious strength to you and your family!

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  2. Dear Katie, I am saddened by the news of Justin not responding to new med and gotta try another. You have been strong through all of this and it is ok to cry sometimes I wish I could be with you when your feeling like this but we both know he sends us nothing that we cannot handle. When I am down over something I always put it in Jesus hands. If you need someone to lkisten I am here for you. Know I have everyone praying for you as well as Justin. Love xxxooooo Kathy

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  3. So sad Katie. I hate cancer too! It is a thief of health, happiness, joy and peace. It gives pain, fear depression and defeat. I’m so sorry that you and your family have this battle going on. God is the only way that we can make it in this evil world. Remember to everything there is a season. Praying that this season will soon be over. May God comfort and strengthen you. May he comfort Justin and help him be brave.
    Love, Pat

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