A New and Special Kind of Cruel on Day 495

Reluctant to post. But what is the whole story without the WHOLE story? How can I help raise awareness, for the hell that childhood cancer is, without including every ember?

Stomach pain. Inconsolable crying. Saying he wants to die. Michael is experiencing some kind of delayed reaction anxiety or post traumatic stress disorder. He has always been more wired that way than most kids. He’s reached his breaking point.

The appropriate professionals are involved. I am very confidant that he will be okay. It’s just a giant conundrum of stress for now, where I’m living on egg shells and eating my weight in Oreos.

I am asking that reaching out be limited to saying you’ll pray for us. For me, it’s too soon for questions and recommendations. I am trusting God and the professionals involved and simply can’t tolerate much more to process. Happy to chat but I won’t talk about this.

This is probably glaringly obvious but please do not share with any children in Michael’s class or any of his friends. He’s been told it’s okay to tell other children that he has missed school and baseball because of stomach pain.

Today was a good day to discover this. Happy to know that, in a cruel world, there is still growth. IMG_5152

I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old, the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah
Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah. Psalm 77

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