So, clearly, this thing is awe-inspiring. Magnanimous. Impressive. You get it. The ark is BIG. Also I should clarify that there may have been timber framing techniques used somewhere, but there were definitely thousands of bolts, nails, etc. involved. I mean this version had a restaurant, gift shop, restrooms, air conditioning, you get the idea.

I have lots of great pictures to share. But first a few thoughts about it being more than just the biggest theme park structure in the world. Okay, it’s a theme park so, yes, there are touristy elements involved to generate revenue. People are making money. I get that.

But if you are interested in Biblical authenticity and answers to difficult questions about God, as well as great arguments for many scientific objections to Biblical truth, this is the place to go. Don’t take very young children because they will get bored fairly quickly. But do go and experience a giant vessel of apologetics as well as the gospel of Jesus Christ clearly presented.

And the largest gathering of “Christian t-shirts”, I think, in the world.

Okay. Here we go. This isn’t the ark of your child’s Bible story book. This is a carefully and brilliantly designed barge which housed thousands of animals, enough food to keep them alive, ancient writings to be preserved and the intricately and intelligently planned living quarters, complete with an agricultural system, of one faithful family.

The Bible states that the original ark took one hundred years to complete, so it stands to reason that they had plenty of time to stock as well as prepare adequate, even comfortable, accommodations. So is all of what you’re about to see possible?

Yes. I believe it is.

We are moving on…to Kentucky. It’s the Ark Encounter or bust. (arkencounter.org)

Impromptu road trips are awesome. Getting up at 4:30am is not.

5:58am. On Interstate 95 somewhere in Delaware. I already need a bathroom and more coffee. Come along with us…

After the third attempt, I went to the bathroom and vomited my coffee and breakfast.

There was shaking, screaming, sweating and crying. There were hot packs, ice packs and three nurses. But, still, Justin’s veins would not give, and an IV was not in place for a chemo infusion.

I asked to speak to the head nurse outside our room. “That’s enough. We are going home. We will have to come back. I’m not coming back tomorrow. It will have to be next week.”

“Okay. I’ll need to make sure that’s okay with his doctor.”

“It’s gonna have to be okay. I don’t mean to be rude. But I’m taking him home. Now.”

I was all miserable and in defeat until a very special friend reminded me that sometimes our faith is tested.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

And that God is sovereign and always in control. For some reason, He did not want Justin to get chemo today.

All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven And among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, ‘What have You done?’ Daniel 4:35

And, finally, if we say we have true faith, then we remain faithful during the bad times as well as the good.

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:6

I know that chemo can be put off for a week or so as our doctor has adjusted the schedule before. Justin recovered well and was happy building Legos this afternoon.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Grace be with you, my friends.

In a few hours, we will be in clinic for a CBC, physical exam, chemo infusion and another round of steroids.

Justin is afraid. I am weary. But something keeps me awake into the wee hours.

The IV placement is generally quick and the pain brief. But, somehow, what occurs in the vibrantly painted “jungle room”, can undo weeks of strategic, toilsome parenting to implement routines, disciplines and daily structure.

That telling scent of rubbing alcohol and what comes with it. Being held down and stabbed with a needle, sometimes repeatedly, can undo what lies beneath Justin’s non-compliance to routines, disciplines and structures.

The undoing of trust.

A trust I spend all month rebuilding. Subsequent behavior problems, social anxiety and post-traumatic stress finally get sorted out with loads of proper attention and tedious care.

Then we begin all over again.

This is Day 562, and I will compare it to a 1,000 piece puzzle sitting unfinished on my coffee table.

If I try to take in the whole lot of it, completing the puzzle becomes entirely too overwhelming. It is much more manageable to center my mind on building it just one piece at a time.

An almost constant pain, traveling the length of my spine and piercing the skull, is sharper now. Yet I look to His grace that I know will come and, indeed, is already here.

 You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. Psalm 56:8-11

“Mom, can we go to a trampoline park today?”

No.

“Mom, can we have some marshmallows?”

No. It’s before lunch.

“Mom, can we watch Godzilla?”

No.

“Why? Is it rated R?”

No. It’s rated S for stupid.

“Mom, can we get a puppy?”

“Mom?…mom??!”

But mom is somewhere in Nazi Germany, on page three-hundred and thirty-nine of a best-seller. It’s like they tell you in an airplane: put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting small children.

Today, over lunch, my boys talked excitedly about growing up, but I said don’t get there too fast. Nicky said he thinks parenting might not be too hard because “you make it look easy, mom.”

Best. Compliment. Ever.

It’s not always good conversation over a meal, that I didn’t have to make, as a mom of three boys. But once in a while you get a rare moment in time when all of your kids are functioning at their best, rested, non-cranky selves and they speak to you in honesty, without pretense or agenda. And you get to see that all your hard work, sacrifice and prayer is actually making a difference. Okay, I DID say this is RARE.

But it is an undeniable glimpse that I do not walk this incredibly difficult mom thing alone. And for this grace, I am forever grateful.

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 4:13-15

I used to be afraid of the dark.

Now I am afraid of a dream.

Sometimes, in my sleep, I go to a place where I cannot find Justin. I look everywhere desperately. I yell at people and refuse to give up. But I cannot find my youngest son. He is gone.

The same God who was beside my Holly Hobbie quilt in the dark now stands beside a night table laden with chemotherapy drugs and a bed, which sleeps a tired mom and sick little boy. This is a Presence I know and recognize.

I still fear the dream. I may always fear the dream. But it drives me to a deeper understanding of the evil that does, indeed, lurk at every door and our critical need to be rescued from it. And the dark stillness I used to fear, I now realize, only serves to make me more acutely aware of the present Light.

In the stillest, darkest, quietness of night, what do you fear? Grace be with you, my friends.

Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. Luke 15:8-10

Maybe the day finds you tired, ill, lonely, stressed, over-worked, grieving or life-hacking it through until you can put your kids to bed and finally get some peace and quiet.

Maybe you are just plain LOST.

There is Someone who searches for you earnestly.

Go to Jesus, and be FOUND.

This and That 

Marine biology camp. VBS. New life Kids club. This week, I am mom, cancer mom, taxi driver, teacher and VBS volunteer. This week, I am tired. And grateful.

Special Thanks

Justin was visited by Marian Newell, author of The Sacred Ripple, which tells the story of her son’s battle with cancer as well as her journey with God. She and her husband gifted Justin with a new Kindle and a promise to ask their friend, a member of the crew on Air Force One, about a possible private tour.

The clothing company, Lands End, kindly surprised us with a large box of gifts in response to a tweet I posted recently. There were gifts for Michael and Nicky as well.

Tweet: Cancer mom confession — my favorite Lands End shorts are now a bit snug due to salt and vinegar chip binging. #ChoosingLaughter 

I think they knew better than to send me shorts in the next size up. Thank you for continued support and prayers. Grace be with you, my friends.